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Kathy Henry: The Case for Male Virginity

By Kathy Henry

I cannot speak for other cultures but I do know that in Black culture, in America, there is a lot of pressure for young men to be ladies men with several women scattered in every zip code. From the time they are five-years-old, many young black boys are asked this question by various male relatives and friends: “Do you have a girlfriend?” Not about their college or career aspirations but about how many girlfriends they have. I believe  this mentality is one of the reasons why our community is plagued with fatherlessness since young black boys are socialized to be pimps and players; not husbands and fathers.

In many cultures there is intense pressure for females to remain chaste and pure but men are encouraged to spread their seed with as many women as possible without any ramifications. This paradigm of thinking is dangerous, particularly in the black community. During a time when black marriage is considered outdated and on any inner-city street one can see a parade of young mothers on the “Carriage Stroll”, I think there needs to be a movement towards embracing the idea of male virginity in the black community. Too many of our brothers are walking away from their responsibilities as men and placing the bulk of birth control and child-rearing on women and it is not working. It disgusts me to listen to grown-ass-men, over forty, still bragging about their women. Rather than bragging about their stock options or the new property they just purchased, they brag about some random chick.

I realized how important this issue is last year when my son and his cousin spent the night with their uncle. He had found them a possible job in New Jersey, doing disaster aid after Hurricane Irene, and they needed to spend the night at his house in order to go to the office. While at his house, he verbally harassed these young brothers about the fact that “they don’t have no hoes and that they are some pussies”.

My son came home pissed off as hell! Fist of all, the job did not work out and he was verbally assaulted. He said, “He has two children he does not want by two women he does not like. He has a lot of nerve trying to give me some advice”.

I thought his words were so profound for a nineteen-year-old. At his young age, he is bright enough to understand the pitfalls of having s*x with any chick with a willing hole, unprotected, unlike his fertile as hell thirty-seven-year-old uncle.

Unwanted pregnancy = years of child support.

At this time, my son is an unemployed college student and it is my opinion that unemployed men do not need girlfriends because they need to be trying to make a dollar. He has no money and he is living off my largesse. If he should get some young ninny pregnant, she would be burnt up because he does not have squat and neither do I. There will be no diapers and milk coming from this quarter!

We need to teach our young brothers that all that looks good is not good and just because she has a nice body does not mean her wig is on tight. In the area where I live, it is quite obvious that these young women are not using any method of birth control because I see too many damn babies. I would hate for my son to get caught up with some clueless young girl with no ambition just because she happens to be fertile as hell.

Virginity is the most priceless, yet precious gift that God gave us and most men give it away quickly, trying to live up to tired, played out stereotypes about what a man is. A real man is one who can live up to the responsibilities he created, not by the number of dizzy broads he is currently having sex with. As desperate as some women are these days, if I wanted to switch sides, I could have a harem of females, but that is too much drama for me.

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4 Responses to Kathy Henry: The Case for Male Virginity

  1. Scott W Trent Jr Reply

    October 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I agree with Kathy, and IF I were a black or mixed race African/American woman of any age, I would NOT want any of the men in my culture, (today) getting in bed with me…. WHO KNOWS what they have and what THEY (HE) might give you, let alone a baby! Sorry, but maybe that is a GOOD reason to stay unmarried and single and NOT with a “man”……. better SAFE in all regards then NOT!!!!!!!!

  2. MsObsidian Reply

    October 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Great Article

  3. JOAN Reply

    October 28, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Kathy it is us black women who shape our black men. If we weren’t giving it up they wouldn’t get any. If we weren’t saying to our sons have you got a girl friend they wouldn’t know. If we didn’t leave them in front of the TV to watch the perputual filth that the box displays it wouldn’t cause them to continually see the negative stereotypes. If we don’t push them to greatness they won’t be great. If we don’t instill discipline they will be undisciplined. If we don’t show them how to treat a woman by not accepting crap how will they know. We have the power to change our raise great Black men, who are ambitious know they are born to great and do ANYTHING and be SOMEBODY. Don’t make excuses let us start from now to build our communities up by bringing our men up. Thanks for a great article.

  4. Herman Hawkins Jr. Reply

    October 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I totally agree with Ms. Henry. I am the oldest of three males, all raised by a single mother, now deceased. All of us are in our 50 or older, yet none of us have had babies we had to pay support for. I agree with Joan about women being responsible for the men they raise. My mother was old school as old school can be. She told us in no uncertain terms NOT TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THE WORLD IF WE WERE NOT READY TO DO SO. Singles having sex simply are not thinking of that and only want the pleasure without the consequences. I am proud to have been raised to have some consciousness about this and only wished others had such.

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