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Love Notes from Sil Lai: With Chad and Evelyn, Are People Blaming the Victim?

by Sil Lai Abrams

Most people with an internet connection know by know that NFL player Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson was arrested over the weekend and jailed overnight for allegedly head-butting his new wife, reality star Evelyn Lozada. The details of what happened between the two seem to be well-documented (reports say that the altercation ensued when Lozada found a reciept for condoms purchased by her husband) and honestly, not surprising given their histories. Both have been known to engage in violent behavior in the past. Lozada’s bullying, hitting and bottle breaking with female castmates on Vh1’s Basketball Wives is legendary. And Johnson was arrested, convicted and sentenced to probation and mandatory anger management classes for assaulting his then-college girlfriend. Both are arrogant, bombastic, and more than likely narcissistic, as evidenced by their mutually violent, egomaniacal and attention-seeking behavior.

As of press time, Johnson has been released from his contract with the Miami Dolphins (who later made a statement implying that the one-day-after-the-incident move had nothing to do with the player’s arrest) and Vh1 has stated that “due to the seriousness of the allegations,” the upcoming reality series Ev and Ocho is no longer on the network’s schedule.

So it really wasn’t surprising that their mutually exploitive relationship exploded into physical violence. It’s not uncommon for people to repeat the mistakes of their past, especially if they’ve never received any successful treatment for their issues.  ChaVelyn is a cautionary tale of what often happens when two very broken souls come together and try to work out their unresolved emotional issues through their relationship-without realizing that it will be impossible for them to have a healthy relationship with each other until those issues are first resolved within themselves.

Another thing that is not surprising, though quite disturbing, is the reaction to the incident that has played out on social media. I couldn’t help but to think back to the Tweets and blog posts that said Rihanna deserved to be beaten up by Chris Brown because she, like Evelyn, “don’t act right.”

A troubling number of responses to ChaVelyn-gate fall into four categories:

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5 Responses to Love Notes from Sil Lai: With Chad and Evelyn, Are People Blaming the Victim?

  1. Lord Q Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Who cares? They deserve each other and all of the confusion that comes from the chaos that is their lives.

  2. Greg Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 12:17 am

    I am not blaming her, but I am not excusing her too. She would not have been with the ugly bastard if he was a non athlete.

  3. Kirsten Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I don’t think people are blaming the victim so much as a viewing it as karma. Evelyn was an awful person on her show and we all watched her excuse the abuse that she doled out to the women on Basketball Wives so to many, it seems fitting that she understand, the only way she knows how, that it’s not cool when you get hit…no matter who is doing the hitting.

  4. rosemary davis Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

    As you said in your comments regarding Evelyn and Chad’s (mutually) violent behavior meaning both are responsible or both shared in what happen only Chad and Evelyn know what happen.I don’t think that people are blaming her but what we do know is that she is a violent person herself we don’t know what her reaction were upon learning about his infidelity.This was a volitle and toxic relationship to begin with the marriage should have never taken place but this is what the love of money will do stab you all over with many pains!!!

  5. Pinky Hall Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    It’s never right that ANYONE is violent towards anyone, but i do believe in Karma. I also believe that if i had a chance i would head butt her, punch her and kick her in the neck. Why? because she is a awful person and the world has to many of them already. What he did is wrong, but if i were in a fuss with her im just sayin, News story! because i would beat her like she should be beat she needs to see that her bs only works in her rim of people. not everyone takes bs from everyone it was bound to happen its just sad it had to come from her own husband

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