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Dr. Boyce: Was Evelyn Really an Innocent Victim? Probably Not

I wasn’t so sure what to make of the latest release of the reality minstrel show known as the marriage of Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson and Evelyn Lozada.  Evelyn is one of the many women on that hit TV show “Basketball Baby’s Mamas.”  (Wait, it might be “Basketball Wives,” but it can’t be, since almost none of these women were actually ever married).

Evelyn has replaced Juanita Bynum as the newest face of domestic violence after her new hubby Chad was locked up for head-butting his beautiful bride. Perhaps the head-butt is the new mating ritual for primitive black people on reality shows, I’ll have to look that up.

Chad went to jail, and Evelyn is now wondering how this all could have happened to a love that was destined to be something special.  Making matters worse, Chad was just cut from the Miami Dolphins over this little incident, meaning that Evelyn will now have to find another wealthy, famous man from whom she can suck her blood.  Times are tough for poor, sweet, innocent, Evelyn. All she ever wanted to be was a loving wife.

Mind you, it’s obvious that domestic violence is always a serious matter.  When I spoke with my girls about the 2009 boxing match between Chris Brown and Rihanna, I had to make it clear to them that they should be fully prepared to pay the funeral expenses of any man who put their hands on them. But in their perpetual (yet inexplicable) love for Chris Brown, they asked me an interesting question: “If the woman hits the man, why should she be upset if the man hits her back?”

Now, the old man in me immediately thought “I hate it when kids learn to think for themselves.”  I wanted to send my girls to the nearest psychiatrist to help them fully understand that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances.   I could only imagine them as victims of violence, where they presented a perspective that seemed to argue that they could actually be perpetrators.  This obviously concerned me, because it forced me to think through my views on relationships a bit more.

After seeing the evil television Banshee known as Evelyn Lozada in action, I wonder if my daughters have a point.  Evelyn is the woman that I once saw crinkle her brow with an evil glare, take off her shoes, and climb across a dinner table so she could smack another woman’s weave square off the top of her head.   She’s a woman where the words “I’m gonna kill you b*tch” are uttered at least 15 times before breakfast.  Given the peculiar manner in which Evelyn has branded herself, it’s hard not to imagine her “getting just a tad bit upset” after finding condoms on the floor of her new husband’s car (these kinds of fights always seem to involve condoms).

So, this leads me to the question:  If a woman hits her man and he hits her back, does that allow her to call herself a victim of domestic violence?

I say the answer is “not always.”

Imagine if Chad and Evelyn were a gay couple where one man just happened to be a 130-pound beauty queen, with long flowing hair, perky lips, and perfectly pedicured fingernails.  If he were to whack the hell out of his husband and then get beaten down in response, would we consider him to be a victim?  Would the answer change if he had a vagina instead?  Obviously, situations like this lead all of us to rethink our view on domestic violence and at least refrain from judgment until we know all the facts.  Also, we have to rethink the popular view that the thousands of men who are victims of domestic violence are just wimpy little dudes who simply need to “man up.”

With all the speculation about what happened with Chad and Evelyn, the goal is not to focus on these two ridiculous people.  They are meant for comedy, not much more.  There are two simple points to be made here:

First, keep your hands to yourself in your relationships. I don’t care if your partner cheats on you, cusses you out, calls you a name or pees on your cat, violence has no place in a relationship.  If your partner does put their hands on you, don’t fight back.  If you’re in a violent relationship, then leave, tell your family and call the police. Period.  Almost nothing good ever happens when black people are interacting with the police.

Secondly, for the fellas, remember that much of this discussion is both theoretical and academic.  Even if a woman hits or attacks you, the truth is that almost no one is going to understand why you chose to hit a woman.  When the police arrive and a woman says she’s been battered, police are always happy to lock up the nearest black man.  So, when you meet the Evelyn Lozada in your life, trade her in for a woman with a bit of dignity, self-discipline and maturity.  It can keep you from getting caught up in the system and ruining your life.

As for Chad and Evelyn, their whole love affair was just a ticking time bomb from the jump.  When you mix two unhealthy, dysfunctional people together, you’re only going to get dysfunction to the third power.  No amount of money, fame and good looks can overcome the damage of spoiled, corrupted souls, so I never expected much from this marriage from the beginning.  Love is not created from war.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

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42 Responses to Dr. Boyce: Was Evelyn Really an Innocent Victim? Probably Not

  1. Butch Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    It doesn’t matter, he’s at fault. Next time walk away, why let the ROID RAGE take over. He could of killed her. Sad that this is even a discussion. Black folks must we be last in everything?

    • Tit4Tat73 Reply

      August 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      I guess we’re last in English class as well. The correct phrase is “could have” or “could’ve”, not “could of”. Just thought I’d let you know for future reference.

      • Lenny Reply

        August 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

        I know right? I had to correct Dr. Boyce too. He was talking about pedicured fingernails.

      • sasha Reply

        August 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

        Oh no! Grammar police on deck!

    • Dawn Reply

      August 14, 2012 at 9:26 am

      I agree! I hope OCHO/JOHNSON, whoever he is today is an example, set for men, when it comes to putting hands on women. Now look at him. He’s lost everything, just cause his inflated ego got the best of him. No career, no prime time reality show, no wife. Now you can change your last name to LOSER!

      Hey OCHO/JOHNSON, you’re not all that; never have, never will be. Get a life, take care of your children and learn how to be a REAL MAN!

  2. jcqquee Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    You get what you pay for!

  3. speaking12 Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I was raised to not hit a woman; however I would tell my daughters that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say I’m a woman/lady/female AND swing on a man like you are a man yourself. A woman should also not make the assumption that a man is raised right; if you are dealing with a dog he may do more than just bark. I am not saying it is right but at the end of the day an individual only has control of themselves in a potentially hostile situation. I know as a man I am only going to tolerate so much from another man. If I walk away from a woman in a heated situation and she follows me and continues to strike me, I should continue to turn cheeks? Not likely. I also believe (right or wrong) a woman is more likely to strike a man with something to lose (like Ochocinco) or a man they don’t believe will strike them . . . because BABY, if you know crazy Johnny don’t mind spending some time downtown , you would think twice about hitting him. What’s also sad is that Evelyn’s portrayal on Basketball Wives as a violent woman makes it harder for other victims. Again I wasn’t there. I am not condoning or cosigning Chad Johnson but it is hard to feel sorry for her considering how she has terrorized some of her cast mates.

    • Lenny Reply

      August 13, 2012 at 9:16 pm

      Well said.

    • Randall Reply

      August 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

      Thank You, Thank You, & Thank You!

    • DarkFather504 Reply

      August 14, 2012 at 9:57 am

      All the post I read this is the most accurate

    • ghanaroyalty Reply

      October 4, 2012 at 12:57 am

      Finally some rationale. What most people are forgetting is that he allegedly headbutted Evelyn. I’m not a big Chad fan but the way Evelyn handled herself on Basketball Wives leaves a lot of reasonable doubt for me. I don’t believe that domestic violence should be tolerated no matter who perpetrates it. It’s wrong all together. I’m still trying to figure out why she was upset about the condoms because I saw an episode of the show when Chad told her he felt he should be able to bring a female home with them and she said she didn’t have a problem with it.

  4. TRAMM Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    WHEN will THEY EVER LEARN! when will they ever learn!!!

  5. Elizabeth Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Who cares about these unintelligent idiots?

    FYI………….. Democratic Ticket in November >> >>ATTENTION! TO EVERYONE THAT’S VOTING IN THE NOVEMBER 2012 ELECTION!! >> >>THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION HAS BEEN VERIFIED AS BEING “TRUE” THROUGH >>SNOPES.COM! >> >>IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO VOTE A “STRAIGHT DEMOCRATIC TICKET” THIS NOVEMBER, BE >>SURE TO “PUNCH PRESIDENT OBAMA’s NAME “FIRST” ON THE CARD, THEN PROCEED TO >>PUNCH “STRAIGHT DEMOCRATIC TICKET”! IF YOU DON’T PUNCH PRESIDENT OBAMA NAME >>FIRST ON THE TICKET, YOUR VOTE WILL BE VOIDED!!!! >> >> >>PLEASE PASS THIS IMPORTANT INFORMATION ON TO ALL YOUR E-MAIL FRIENDS AND >>FAMILIES. I’M SURE THIS INFORMATION WILL NOT BE TOLD TO YOU AT THE POLLS THIS >>COMING NOVEMBER!!!!!! >> >>GOD BLESS!

    • ANA Reply

      August 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

      thanx

    • jesse Reply

      August 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      Liz, did you actually read the snopes post? Wait, I can answer that: NO! North Carolina is the only state that prevents straight line party voting in the presidents voting. Please pass on verifiable facts only.

      • Deena Reply

        August 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

        Jesse, Wisconsin prevents straight line partty voting as well.

  6. Michael Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Of course you should never hit a woman,even if she hits you. This is for your own good if you are a black man. You will be the ultimate loser regardless. I don’t care how good looking a woman is,before you marry her you need to take the necessary time to check her out. You can only hide your true nature for so long until the real you comes out. If she is violent,self centered or crazy DO NOT MARRY HER. As for Chad,any woman who marries a high profile athlete has to be aware that cheating is a big possibility. You have to stop and tink ” Is it worth it?”

    • Qwanette Reply

      August 16, 2012 at 3:57 am

      I somewhat agree. i agree about the taking time to get to know a person before the marriage. But the man should never make that kind of commitment if he knows he can’t be faithful. ijs. In this case, he set herself up for failure. Before their marriage he ha cheate on her multiple times. IDK what in her right mind made her thing an expensive piece of jewelry was gonna make a difference. so in my opinion, when she found the condom, she shouldn’t have said shit!!!! You knew he was fuckin around before you married him so chuck dat shit up and take it as a loss. and as far as dude hittin dat bitch, there is only one explanation….. HE’S A BITCH HIMSELF!!! If not bigger. Notice I said bitch, and i will explain. If you’ve been following up on basketball wives, Evelyn started out as a soft spoken scard mufuca who really wouldn’t even THINK of talkin out da side of er kneck! Y’all know y’all seen dat episode when tammy put that fear in her heart when she damn near jumped the counter on her scrawnny ass. But since her and Tammy have became friends, all of a sudden, she has a change of heart. She thinin she’s about 40 cavemen strong wit her lil paper weight self. Take tammy out of the equasion tis incient probably wouldn’t have even said shit about the condom. IDK what tammy be sayin to dat bitch but shits hilarious when you look at it. Tammy pumps Evelyn’s head up to go in on someone either already knkowing the consequence or just wanting to know the outcome for herself. In other words Ev is simply her ‘CRASH DUMMY’

      • Qwanette Reply

        August 16, 2012 at 4:01 am

        And please excuse my grammar. apparently my buttons are fucked up smdh

  7. mable Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    when will they ever learn! when will they ever learn!!!

  8. erica Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Thanks Elizabeth, your information was important

  9. Molotti Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    I firmly believe that a man should not hit a woman. There is a lot of emphasis on the should not. It’s like my dad used to tell me when the water was murky; there’s my version, your version, and then there’s the truth. The truth we may never know but one thing is sure. The water will at least be more translucent if we both male/female stay in our lanes.
    1L
    M

  10. tina Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Did I miss something? Where does it say that she hit him? And, if she did hit him, is it ok for him to head butt her?! Wow.

  11. Disgusted Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    We all know that its not cool for a man to hit a woman. We are so much stronger and we have a built in protective instinct. But If a wonmen hits a man that woman should suffer the exact same consequences that a man faces. She should go to jail, charged with DV, and whatever else men go thru in those situations. Chads wife Evelyn made him lose a Multi Million Dollar Job. DAT BITCH NEEDS TO GET STOMPED INTO THE PAVEMENT. Thats right I said it, and I aint takin it back. She should be ashamed of herself. Rumor has it that he didnt head butt her. She head butted him. I dont doubt givn Evilyn’s I mean Evelyn’s personality.

  12. Teri Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I hear your sentiments Disgusted…but…Chad put himself in that situation. He is smart enough to know everything that looks good ain’t good. Chad needs to tend to his career which has been on a steady decline since he hooked up with the likes of evelyn. If chad ain’t got more sense then that then he deserves to loose multi million dollar contacts.

    The only time I have ever tuned into the trash being pimped as entertainment called basketball wives is to allow my sons to make note of the kind of women they should not give so much as the time of day let alone a wedding ring. The producers and “stars” of that mess are a disgrace to their people.
    Fuck’ em

  13. Lenny Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    “perfectly pedicured fingernails”. Dr. Boyce, pedicures are for feet. Not fingernails. And secondly, I don’t care what anyone says, men have the right to protect themselves too. If a woman gets violent and starts physically assaulting him,he can beat the brakes off of her. But the man should just take it and either die or land in ER. Okay.

  14. Patsy B Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    OK I watched Basketball wives. And before they were married and dating each other. They wanted an open marriage, go to VH1 and look at the episodes. What did you expect was going to happen. She found some side dick, and he was working it better than you OCHO. You wanted an open marriage. But I DO NOT condone no man hitting a woman. You went to jail for not paying child support. Now you are getting divorced. Because I know she is not going to stay with a man that hit her. OCHO you are not about this life.WHATEVER

  15. corbin56 Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Thanks Elizabeth. I am guessing this is another development of the slick Republicans designed to keep Obama out of office. I hope all Democrats will know this on Election day.

  16. Greg Reply

    August 13, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    I doubt if she was innocent. But he is guilty for getting himself in that position. You can tell by her behavior on the Basketball Wives show that she is high maintenance. It is best to past on women like her if you want peace in your life.

  17. donnie Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 1:33 am

    I have learned that the dating process was important to understand who you are going to marry. He is known as a lady’s man and she is known to be violent. She warned him about his cheating ways and she demonstrated her quick temper and willingness to get physical. When people tell you who they are, believe them. Chad and his bride have demonstrated loose boundaries in the past and the same problem manifested into their marriage. When choosing a mate, don’t ignore bad behavior in favor of a lovely face or the size of the bank account. Some of the most beautiful people are the craziest.

  18. Karroll Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Thanks Elizabeth, very informative information.
    Your comment here is the one that matters

  19. ARNEADER Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 5:53 am

    She was so big and bad like she was on Basketball Wives to Jennifer. Evelyn is more of a FOOL than anything….groupie!

  20. DaTruth Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

    These two morons deserve each other. Ocho is a 21st century ignorant black face minstrel and Eva is a low quality, cheap whored out, diseased ridden gold-digger.

  21. Pammie Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    I don’t agree with a man hitting a woman, but Evelyn is just something evil; and she has issues with men because of daddy; she secretly wants to punish men. Now, I have seen the women in my family beat the pure hell out of men, seriously. I am 53yrs old and have never been hit by a man, but then again, I have never hit a man either; I do enough damage with my mouth. We have to learn to repect each other as men and women, please grown people check yourselves and control that violent behavior. DON’T HIT, PERIOD!

  22. kirsten Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    There’s no doubt n my mind that Evelyn started/provoked a physical altercation. So I don’t consider this dv. She just lost a fight. Losing a fight & being abused r 2 different things. Chad deserves 2 loose everything cuz he’s an idiot & a horrible dad. And he knew that girl was a violent wh*re so he walked right n2 this situation. U would never have 2worry about a man hitting a woman just like a woman would never hit a man. But these silly males & females running round putting their hands on ppl I don’t feel sorry 4. Let’em knock each other the hell out.

  23. Warren Johnson Reply

    August 14, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    This is a lovely article, and Chad and Evelyn aren’t lovely people. I do hope that Chad has learnt his lesson, and that he will be able to bounce back. Somehow, I don’t think I have to feel too sorry for Evelyn. She will get by…. Damn, she sure looks good! Wonder what Antoine knows that the rest of us fellows on planet earth doesn’t????? Maybe he should have told Chad….

  24. Kim Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh the fairy tale marriage is OVER already! Who cares!!!!!!

  25. Eugene Stovall Reply

    August 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

    When you act like a clown,
    they’ll laugh, when you’re
    down. Ha! Ha!

  26. Rod S. Reply

    August 17, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Ain’t no one above an ass-whuppin’ if they get too far out of pocket….

  27. Pingback: Maria Lloyd: Two Reasons Why 18-Year-Old Tony Farmer Should Not Go To Prison For Three Years | Kulture Kritic | Kulture Kritic

  28. Miz Rose Reply

    August 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @Speaking12,well said. I raised two daughters and told them that it goes both ways, he does not put his hands on you and you do not put your hands on him. There father was abusive and I knew that I better run as fast as I could,I did and never looked back and I taught my daughters to not go that route. And today I must say and thank God that I am very proud of them for having positive men in there lives. We have to teach and talk to our young people and let them know that abuse is not okay. AMEN

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